I feel odd posting here but I just don't know what to do or where to turn and feel safer posting here then just about anywhere else.
Life and money have been getting tighter and tighter and I been more and more anxious and stressed lately. Well the car went into the shop yesterday with what I thought was minor but looks more like major issues. Don't know right now if I can afford to fix it or if it's even worth fixing and can't afford replacing it either. I finally hit that rock bottom spot and just feel like anyone in my personal life is judging and criticizing. Emotionally I just don't know what to do or where to go.
Hi Nova Gunger, what you said really hit home with me. Last year I was diagnosed with BPD and autism. Before that, I was a fuck up. So much promise coming out of school, but I self destructed all over the place, and constantly. The responsibilities of adult life were too much for me, for some reason, and I felt worthless. Just a lazy piece of shit. But now it turns out that my whole life, my brain actually was different. Every hypersensitivity I complained out, was bullied for, and learnt to compartmentalize in order to blend in, was real. It explained everything, my money issues, anxiety, depression, addictions. My love for messyness and being dominated. Whatever. My point is, talk to a doctor about what's happening. It takes time, but you can get help. And people will recognise you for the real you, and not the you who's pretending to be like everyone else. Hope this helps. Sorry if I'm transferring.
SloppyPig said: Hi Nova Gunger, what you said really hit home with me. Last year I was diagnosed with BPD and autism. Before that, I was a fuck up. So much promise coming out of school, but I self destructed all over the place, and constantly. The responsibilities of adult life were too much for me, for some reason, and I felt worthless. Just a lazy piece of shit. But now it turns out that my whole life, my brain actually was different. Every hypersensitivity I complained out, was bullied for, and learnt to compartmentalize in order to blend in, was real. It explained everything, my money issues, anxiety, depression, addictions. My love for messyness and being dominated. Whatever. My point is, talk to a doctor about what's happening. It takes time, but you can get help. And people will recognise you for the real you, and not the you who's pretending to be like everyone else. Hope this helps. Sorry if I'm transferring.
This is pretty close to my own story! I went through pretty much the same thing. I don't have bipolar disorder but I have been diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder/SPD (sensory over-responsivity to be exact). According to the wikipedia page on this fetish, it is theorised that people with it may have low tactile sensitivity - which is actually the opposite to the SPD I have (although I get aroused seeing other people getting messy, not getting messy myself - which is almost definitely related).
SPD is very common in people with autism, so I imagine a disproportionately higher number of people here are neurodivergent than in other communities.
People with neurodivergent traits struggling to adapt to a neurotypical world and feeling overwhelmed is very common, so please understand that you are not alone and don't beat yourself up over it. You've probably done better than I have in all honesty, so you should at least feel proud of that.