If you're gay, live in Yorkshire (particularly East Yorkshire) and are able to host, please message me.
I'm 50 and have never been messy! I'd love a pie/food fight with cream and custard (no shaving foam!) but there are provisos - for medical reasons I can't get anything in my ears or up my nose, so a normal pie fight (IE in the face) is out, but I'd love to take pies or jugs of custard to my chest and the rest of me, finishing with nudity and a messy 'happy ending'.